Anyway, it got me thinking about something I had written 5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter pertaining to the value of a good reputation. Below, is an excerpt from the book:
Often when speaking to teen girls, I will challenge the girls with the question, “Are you the type of girl who has a reputation?” The question makes some of the girls fidget a bit in their seats. If you looked up the word “reputation” in the dictionary, you might find this definition: The generally accepted estimation of somebody; character, standing, name. The truth is, each of us has a reputation. A “generally accepted estimation” as determined by others. And that estimation can be overall good or bad.
In order to illustrate the power of this “estimation” factor when determining a person’s reputation, I tell the girls that I’m going to announce several well-known celebrity personalities and when I do, to think of 1-2 words to describe the person (to themselves, of course). I toss out names like Britney Spears, Michael Jackson, Tom Cruise, Carrie Underwood, and Miley Cyrus. I think you can imagine some of the words that the girls come up with to describe the above personalities (in no particular order): Crazy, cute, psycho, pervert, adorable, innocent, talented, sleaze, and the list goes on.
I then tell the girls that they just branded each person with a designated reputation based on the public’s “generally accepted estimation.” I point out that even though they are not famous and in the public eye, they still are being “estimated” by others on a daily basis. I then challenge them to think of what 1-2 words others who know them might use to describe their character if asked. Certainly, it’s an unsettling thought for some. I imagine I would have been among the “unsettled” had I been challenged by that thought at their age.
I once heard a speaker say, “You are who you’ve been becoming.” Wow—what a powerful statement. Our girls need to know that you are judged by your actions. In my years of working with teen and college girls, I have had a fair share cry on my shoulder over actions that have left them with tainted reputations. As we have discussed in Conversation #3, it is fairly common for children and teens to have a cognitive disconnect when it comes to making choices. In other words, it is difficult for them to mentally walk a decision down its logical path and weigh the possible consequences of the action in question.
Most of us likely can relate to that challenge during our adolescent and teen years and have our own fair share of negative consequences we tallied up as a result. However, this is where we must be faithful in helping our daughters see that actions determine character and character, in turn, determines reputation. In addition, we must also help them see the value that comes from the pursuit of virtue.
Proverbs 22:1 reminds us that, “A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches.” Socrates, the Greek philosopher from 4th century BC, once said, “Regard your good name as the richest jewel that can possibly be possessed. The way to gain a good reputation is to endeavor to be what you desire to appear.” We must be faithful in sharing the key to obtaining a good reputation with our daughters. What is the key, you may wonder? It can be found in Proverbs 3:1-4: “My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity. Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.”
In order to remember God’s teaching, our daughters must first know God’s teaching. Upon knowing it, they must tuck it away in their hearts and pull from that reserve when the need arises. This is the point of impact when God’s standard goes beyond a simple head knowledge and takes root in the heart. We can do our part to provide them with adequate teaching over the years, but we cannot make them treasure that teaching in their hearts. Furthermore, we cannot make them draw upon those truths and apply them to their daily lives. We can, however, pray like crazy from the sidelines.
If we were to step into a time machine and take a little journey back to your high school years, what sort of girl would we find? Better yet, what if we asked your classmates to describe that girl? I’m not talking about the outside. How do they remember the girl in the Jordache jeans with the spiral perm? Was she nice, fun, funny, or kind? Was she a devoted Christian who walked her talk? Or was she a gossipy, mean girl with loose morals? In other words, what was your reputation? How has the “generally accepted estimation” of you changed over the years? I would guess that most of us have changed for the better and all but for the grace of God—Amen?
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